No Child Left Behind

Apologies for the hiatus. Two funerals, one suspiciously secret-agent-like family member and tour season has kept me busy for most of April. Thankfully things have slowed down a bit so I’m going to use this brief lull to let you know what y’all have been missing out on. I’ve chosen to skip right over the deaths and go right to some rousing tales from Life on the Road from my job-du-jour as a Tour Director for EF.

Right, the new job. (A job that pays me with money, not one that pays me with sex-shop gift certificates or free burritos! ;) )

It's an absolute ball even though on more than one occasion I've gotten a migraine due to trying to smile between the hours of 6 and 7am, something I am physically unable to do. (As you know, perky is a learned trait for me that I am still struggling with, along with getting up in what you humans refer to as the "morning")

My main responsibility (along with making sure the bus driver doesn’t confuse Broadway with West Broadway, ensuring that Planet Hollywood has food ready for 80 kids at 6pm and reminding the hotel we’re staying at to make up the rooms so I'm not called into the room at 11pm to fish out a pair of old boxer shorts from last night's stay that no one wants to touch) is to tour junior/high school age kids and their chaperones around either NYC or DC and make sure the trip is as educational as possible. (That can be quite a tall order especially when the group explicitly states on their paperwork NO MUSEUMS and PLEASE MAKE EXTRA TIME ON SCHEDULE FOR SHOPPING ON CANAL STREET!)

So far the issues I’ve been having haven’t been with the kids, most of whom I adore (a feat I believe I can chalk up to enduring three years of working at a day-camp for the spoiled off-spring of Rockland/Westchester County suburbanites) but with the adults. Out of respect for them (on the off-chance they are reading this) but mostly because I don’t want to get myself all riled up I am going to stop myself here for now and ask you to wait until we meet in person for us to resume this conversation.

I will however leave you with these three gems, all questions I was actually asked on tours this month:

1. (while in Chinatown) Adult: Are we still in the Contintental US?

2. Student: What's a pretzel?

3. (while looking at the Hudson) Adult: Do dolphins swim in there?